Motivation

I’ve covered motivation, goals, and writing habits a few times in this blog, but I wanted to talk about a recent experience I had with a short story I’m working on. Before we get into that, though, a quick update!

I managed to finish round 1 of edits on my novel, Rat. Round 1 of a few, unfortunately, but progress is progress! Like I talked about in the blog “Editing Hell”, I’ve got a few to get through, but I was very glad to be able to read to the end of the piece, have notes on the printed manuscript and a notebook, and not HATE the novel. Like I had said earlier, editing was one of the most confronting things I’ve done. The combination of Imposter Syndrome and just general, run-of-the-mill anxiety was brutal to what little self esteem and self worth I had accumulated over the process of writing and rewriting up to revision 6 (the current revision).

So, while going through the novel was frustrating, confronting, and grueling, when I got to the end, I actually felt a bit of an upswing in energy. Whatever the novel is, it’s workable. It’s malleable. And it’s plodding on towards a finished product.

Alright, let’s talk about this short story. This thorn in my side since last October. I don’t even have a title for it, gods damn it! I mean, I’ve had a couple, but nothing has stuck. And there’s still a lot of work to do.

As you may have read, I started working on a short story with a specific publication in mind. As I got near the end, the deadline was moved up, I wasn’t able to submit, and all the wind in my sails evaporated. I put the short story aside and let it collect dust in a drawer for two-ish months.

With the first round of edits done on Rat v6.0, I began to toy with the idea of blowing the dust off that short story and submitting it broadly. I sent it to a few trusted friends, those with a critical eye and experience in writing, and basically asked for encouragement. Was this something I should keep working on or should I let it be?

Asking for help was useful, but it also left me feeling… slimy. I couldn’t help but think that, ultimately, it was up to me whether I should keep working on it. I shouldn’t need outside validation or confirmation to work on a piece, right? Or was that voice wrong? I still don’t know.

What I do know is, I got the feedback I wanted and needed and I decided to start working on it again. Last night, at a writing session, I had a bit of a breakthrough with it, even.

Was it selfish or wrong of me to seek out that outside feedback? Should I have trusted in my own gut more and done the legwork to determine if the short story was worth continuing? Should I have never let it gather dust to begin with?

Or, should I get out of my own head, be thankful that I have some renewed energy in this short story, and get to work?

I try to take each experience and learn something from it (sometimes successfully, even), but I don’t want to stay in this whirlwind of questions and doubts. There’s enough of that when you’re a writer. I should just take the win, right?

I suppose I’ll try that and if the situation comes up again, I’ll think back to this moment and see if there’s anything I will do differently.

But here’s the message (even if I don’t apply it to myself): You’re not alone. There’s a wonderful writing community all around the world. You shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help.

…but you shouldn’t count on others for your motivation…

Editing Hell

That’s what I have taken to calling it, recently. Somewhat affectionately, I suppose.

This is my first time doing actual, true editing. Not re-writing. Not re-outlining. Not revising. Actual, gorram editing. The kind where you g— Well, I should clarify. It is the first editing I’m doing on a novel. Any novel. I’ve edited my short stories (obviously) but not Rat.

So, yeah, I’m editing Rat.

December and the first half of this month, I would open the document and start reading, going line-by-line, keeping a notepad open for taking notes and for reading the notes I’d already made to remind myself about continuity, what I wanted to inject, themes, what ever… I managed to get 10 chapters in, including writing a whole new chapter that was necessary for structure.

Sweet Zeus, that process was rough. Never have I felt so confronted with my own imposter syndrome, self loathing, and insecurities than I have while editing. Everything from the micro to the macro level felt terrible and any fix I applied didn’t seem to help. I felt myself falling into the page and drowning in my own inadequacy as I waded through the muck that is my current draft.

Yeah, I’m likely being over-dramatic, but I’m a writer, what did you expect?

No, I’m not giving up. Obviously. That would be madness. But I’m here venting about my process, spewing my melodrama all over this blog in the hopes that someone, somewhere going through the same will read this and realize it happens to everyone. Because it does. I don’t think I’m going through anything special. I know I’m not. I’m surrounded by writers and critique partners and friends who all know what I’m going through. But maybe you aren’t. In fact, a lot of you aren’t. I’m lucky enough to have a great writing group and support network. Lucky. I know not everyone has that. Hell, that’s part of the whole reason The Genre Hustle exists. There are people out there whose only contact with the writing world may just be Twitter!

So if you’re reading this, and you’re stuck in editing hell and don’t have anyone around you that you can talk to, let me talk to you. Let me talk about what I’m doing next, how I’m motivating myself, and we will get through this.

First, I printed my manuscript out. I saved it in Google Docs, made the size font 10 (or maybe 9?), changed it to something thin and different than times/arial/courier so that my eyes aren’t used to reading it, and then I sent it to Fedex Office to print. It cost me about $24. I’m in a position where I can afford to do that, but only just barely. I really had to think about my budget before spending that and I’m sure there are others out there in the same or worse positions. In the long run, $24 is an investment in myself and it is worth it. I hope you think you’re worth it, too.

Second, with the manuscript printed, I told myself I needed to read through it completely before getting into changes. Sure, I’ve got a pen and notebook in hand for notes and marking it up, but I need to read the whole thing all the way through. Yes, it’s going to take longer that way, but it needs to be in my head again. If I keep going over the first several chapters over and over, changing them each time, I’ll have lost the thread and won’t ever get to the end. Trust me. Read through it with a critical eye, but read all the way through it.

Third, really mark it up. With what’s in your head and your notebook, start noting real changes. It’s less about grammar and spelling and more about structure, characters, action, drama, voice, description… those medium to large sized things that make up your work. Chapter order. Point of view. Don’t worry about all those adverbs and repetitive adjectives right now. Focus on whether or not your main character is hitting all the notes you need. Focus on the tension of a scene. Focus on dialogue. And when you’re at the end, go back and start making changes based on your notes. Now’s the time for the typing.

Lastly, re-read for the nitty gritty. Remove filtering. Remove those -ly words. Avoid repetition. Delete all those “no” words (I’ll talk about those in another blog post, probably, when I’m at this step). It’s like sharpening a knife. Rougher grain to start, finer at the end.

And then… well, shit, you know. You do it all over again. Or get betas. Or a professional edit. Let’s not focus on that yet, hm? And yeah, I know, this is just my way of editing. New way. What ever. There are probably other ways out there, but this is my plan and this is how I’m going to get my edit done.

And maybe it’s how you’re going to get yours done, too.

Come on, we got this.

2019: A Tasting

Let’s look forward.

Last blog post I talked about goals, 2018, 2019, organizing things, etc. Today, I want to talk about specific things on my horizon. There are many smaller changes that build on each other, but this time I want to discuss major projects.

Here we go.

First of all, The Genre Hustle podcast season 2 will be going live in February. We have seven episodes recorded with a plan of at least five more. We’re in the middle of editing and the first part of a two-part point-of-view episode should be dropping sometime next month.

We have some really, really fantastic guests this season, so far, with plans for even more. We’ve honed our format a little, extended the time, per popular request, and are excited to bring you another season of writers talking about writing!

On a more personal level, I’d like to talk about Rat.

My first novel is in editing hell right now, but instead of talking about how the editing process is going (I’ll do that next blog post) I want to say that, despite the struggles, I will be finishing my novel this year. Editing, beta readers, a professional edit, and then querying. That is on my horizon for 2019.

Finally, other projects.

I have a short story that is near finished. It is sitting on the back burner right now, but I am going to revisit it at some point this year and submit it. Murder Park After Dark Volume II will be coming out in the first half of this year, with another one of my short stories. In addition, when Rat is out being beta read, professionally edited, or being queried, I will be working on my next novel.

Stay tuned for my decision process with that.

All of this means I am going to be (attempting) to post more to this blog this year. More importantly, I have specific topics I want to cover, instead of just updates and rants. What does that mean for you? Better, more helpful content, a more focused blog, and more audience interaction.

Do you have questions about writing? Your WIP? Do you need to vent? Shoot me a comment down below or tweet me (@apthayer). We’re all in this together, after all.

Love you guys.

Let's Wrap This One Up

Well, it is December 31st. I don’t know about you, but November zoomed past pretty quickly whereas December was almost nonexistent. How’d the last month of Q4 go for you? Were you able to check off some of those goals you set for yourself?

I did all right. Definitely not my strongest quarter, but that seems about appropriate for the way 2018 has gone as a whole. Some good ups, lots of impactful downs. That’s life.

What I am excited about, is I have 2019 in my sights. I really leaned into prepping for Q1 2019 and 2019 as a whole using Todoist. No, this isn’t sponsored. I’m actually not even wild about the app, but it’s working alright for now. Definitely some things I wish it did differently. Still, I’ve been able to organized my short, medium, and long term goals into projects. Now I have to get into the habit of actually using it.

With that out of the way, I wanted to share an experience I had. If you’ve been reading along, you know I had been working on a short story for a specific magazine. Unfortunately, the magazine decided to close their submission window 5 days early with very little warning. I found out about it the day submissions closed.

I’ll be honest; it was a gut punch. I’d been excited about the magazine, the short story, and had even convinced a few of my fellow writers to submit, too.

I reached out to them to see if I could still submit, and they told me they’d already purchased the stories they wanted.

Here’s where I’m feeling conflicted: is that normal? Is that something I should be expecting from magazines or publications? It’s their magazine, they choose their stories, but it still felt crummy. And it feels even crummier because I don’t know if I even have a leg to stand on to feel crummy about it.

The only reason I’m sharing what happened is because I want others to know that this may be something they run into. I didn’t, and it caught me off guard. I am in NO WAY putting the magazine on blast. They, as far as I believe, can do whatever they want. Other than the general feeling of crumminess, I can’t objectively or logically find fault with what they did.

So yeah, fair warning. Or maybe you all already knew that and I’m late to the party.

In other news: editing is so fucking hard. Holy shit.

I’ve been making my way through Rat, chapter by chapter, and it is absolutely a slog. Way more disheartening than the writing process. This is the first time I’m doing editing and revision as opposed to re-outlining or re-writing. I have never felt like more of a hack than I do when I am editing. I have never experienced this amount of loathing for my own writing as I do now. Getting a short story polished up and submitted has nothing on this progress.

Big oof.

Well, that’s all from me for now. Keep those goals close to your heart, try to work towards them as much as you can, and take care of yourselves. 2018 was rough, but we made it. Let’s take that big dick energy into 2019!

NaNoWriMo: The Wrap-up

First of all, congratulations to all participants of NaNoWriMo!. Even if you didn’t “win” National Novel Writing Month, you put in some effort and, hopefully, learned something about yourself, your WIP, and some new habits.

And that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? It’s about realizing you can set aside some time for writing every day, right? Sure, the Herculean effort of 1,667 words a day may be tough to maintain (though masters like Brandon Sanderson and Stephen King certainly go way beyond that), but how about 1,000? 500? I’m sure you’ve heard it repeated ad nauseum before, but, writing is all about making a habit. It is not divine inspiration. It is not waiting for a mystical muse. It is sitting your ass down and getting the job done.

That’s, once again, what I’m taking away from NaNoWriMo. Sure, I ended the month with a final draft of my novel, Rat. I also had a first draft of a new short story I will be submitting in two weeks. But what I’m focusing on is that not only do I need to set aside the time, but that I can. Easily.

No excuses for me. How about you? Do you have excuses or do you have a budding habit that needs some fertilizer, sunlight, and water?

Let it flourish.

Be well, keep up that energy, and ride that writing wave into 2019!