A Brief History of My God Damned Novel

I am currently working on Rat v10.0. There is no fucking end to this. Why the hell did I want to be a writer again?

Before I jump into that, a few updates:

The Genre Hustle - I met with my Genre Hustle co-hosts to get season 3 rolling. We have an exciting season planned, including more guests, some special episodes, and a new release day. More to come on that, so be sure to stay tuned at www.genrehustle.com or by following the Genre Hustle social media accounts (Twitter and Instagram).

Murder Park After Dark, Vol II - My friend Karter Mycroft put out Murder Park After Dark Volume II and made Volume I available in paperback form. My short story “Seeds” is in Volume II and “Funeral Director” is in Volume I. If you’d like a quick spook, check out Volumes I and II on Amazon.

Now, back to this novel.

I started writing Rat in August of 2016. Jesus, writing that out is painful. Coming up on three years. Anyway, started writing it in August 2016. I finished my first draft some time in early 2017. I printed it out, all excited and bright-eyed, and began my first edit. I was submitting chapters to my bi-weekly critique group, Speculative Ink, while going through with a pen and marking the thing up like I was a three year old with a sharpie.

I lost steam, though. I wasn’t happy with the draft and wasn’t sure where I needed to take it. I spent that summer re-thinking everything and then when NaNoWriMo 2017 rolled around, I set myself up for my first re-write. And guess what? I did it. I did the whole re-write in November 2017 and had a shiny new draft. I gave it a once-through and submitted it for beta read to my critique group.

In January 2018, my critique group and I met up for my first beta critique. It was rough, but it wasn’t terrible. I got some great feedback, but I did feel like the wind had been taken out of my sails. It took me several months of writing, submitting, re-writing, and trying to figure things out before the next NaNoWriMo (November 2018) rolled around.

Once again, I banged out a whole, outlined draft. By this point, I’d learned so much through my critique group, the podcast, reading, researching, and just steeping in the writing community, that I felt much more strongly about my draft.

But I wanted to do better.

A couple more rounds of edits, and Rat v8.0 was ready for beta critique. Once again, I submitted my draft to my critique group for beta reading, as well as about 20 other friends and family. Check out my blog post from June 14th titled “Betas” to read how that went.

Fast forward a couple weeks and July starts. I dive into the re-write/edits. And I lose all steam. I hit this wall and lose all motivation. Am I ever going to see the end? Is this worth the extra work I’m going to have to put into it? Will I ever get it where it needs to be? Am I good enough to get it there?

I know. Yikes.

So, I took a step back. Or away, rather. A week or so later and I’m just now getting back into it. I came back and realized I didn’t need to make as drastic a change to the story as it seemed. I mean, it still is a bunch more writing, but I can save about half of what I’ve already written. Then I have to write more on top of that.

I re-re-re…-outlined my novel, taking into account what was already there and what I wanted to change based on the beta feedback, and I feel like I have a solid outline to work with now (again). I’m going to submit it this Sunday for critique and then give it another week to foment and to process the feedback I get from my writer friends and then I’ll jump into Rat v10.0.

Look out for my novel coming Fall 2099.

Just kidding.

Anyway, I hope me sharing my awkward, annoying process with my first novel gives someone out there a little… shit, not hope, necessarily. I don’t know how anyone could get hope from that story. But maybe commiseration? Maybe there are those of you out there struggling, too, and knowing you aren’t the only one could help. I know hearing that from my writer friends helps me.

And why do I write? After all this? It’s a bit of a rhetorical question, really. I’m never actually going to give up. I write because it’s literally the only thing I want to spend my life doing. Even cooking, which I am super passionate about, doesn’t rank in comparison. I’m not out here taking cooking classes and trying to be a chef. But I am out here sweating and bleeding into my god damned keyboard for my god damned novel.

Rat is going to see the light of day.

Hit me up on Twitter, Instagram, or in the comments below and let me know how your Camp NaNoWriMo is going. Or, if you’re not doing NaNo, how’s your WIP? I want to hear about your energy levels and what your progress has been.

Be good to one another and good to yourselves, too. Until next time.

Camp NaNoWriMo

Camp NaNoWriMo is just around the corner. Are you ready?

Before we dive into how I am getting ready for the month of July, a few updates.

Scifi - I hit a brick wall with my untitled scifi noir story at around 45k words. The story was floundering and though I knew some scenes that needed to happen next, I was struggling to get to them. I found myself floundering. So, instead of continuing to smash my head against a brick wall, I’m taking a step back from the story. I’m a little disappointed because I wanted to have it done by the end of this month so I could go into July with a good sense of accomplishment, but oh well. My plan, once I finish the next round of edits on Rat, is to return and re-outline the story before jumping back in to writing so I can get a full draft.

June partner challenge - It is also a few days until the end of June and the due date for the June partner story, and I have not written any of my scenes. I’m really hoping to get them done this weekend so there’s a chance of finishing the challenge and submitting it, but I don’t have high hopes. I hate to think I’m going to fail the challenge, but that’s a real possibility.

But let’s talk about July. Let’s talk Rat and editing and Camp NaNoWriMo.

This will be my first year participating in Camp NaNo. I’ve done November NaNo three years in a row now, and won the last two. What I’ve decided to do for July is get my next round of edits done for Rat.

If you’ve been keeping up, you know I had my betas give feedback in June. I got written notes from non-writer friends and family early in the month and about halfway through I had my beta critique session with some of my writing group. Go read my previous blog post regarding that if you missed it.

I finally feel like I’ve distanced myself enough from the emotional aspect of the beta reading process and am ready to dive back into editing. But I’m not just going to go into July blind. I always go into NaNoWriMo knowing what I’m going to work on and with a plan.

And so should you.

Here’s my plan:

Read through all the individual notes I received back from my betas - This is going to be an ass-load (metric, of course) of notes to read through. While I’m reading them, I am going to have to parse out the major points each beta reader is saying and enter them into a spreadsheet (have I told you guys how much I love spreadsheets?). At the end of this step, I’m going to have an organized series of notes from all of my readers. I’ll also re-listen to the 2+ hours of my beta critique that I recorded. I’m doing all this on or before June 30.

Organize notes into a task list - Now I’m going to have to go through the notes I just put into the spreadsheet and the notes I took during my own beta critique and create a list of action items. Things that I need to hit this time around, like developed X character, injecting Y subplot earlier, etc. I know I am going to have to re-work act I, reshape some of the battles, and inject more backstory, for example, so those will go onto the list. This will be my task on July 1.

Re-outline - Since I know I’m re-writing act I and I have other aspects I need to work on, the first couple days of July I am going to be re-outlining (again). I’ll spare you guys my unpopular opinion regarding outlining and just say that I will give myself two days to bang out a new outline.

Edit - That gives me 28 days of actual editing and rewriting. I’m guessing I’ll have around 40k words to do in the month, about 1,430 per day. Totally doable. Just a matter of sticking to a routine (a morning session and an evening session) and staying ahead of my daily word count. Nothing I haven’t done before, both during NaNoWriMo and outside it.

How can this help you?

Well, for starters, don’t fall into the trap of starting July without a plan. I know everyone talks about starting a new project and just diving in, about pantsing their way through a project, of the benefits of exploratory writing and fine, if that’s what you want, I’m not going to yuck your yum. That’s just not for me. I’m here to accomplish goals, finish a novel, sell it, and be a professional. Goals, organization, and planning are my ways of getting there. I’m not saying that people who don’t work the way I do aren’t taking their writing seriously. I’m saying I am taking my writing seriously in the best way I know how. And if my over-bearing, anal retentive way of doing things pushes someone to level up their own writing, then that’s excellent.

So, make a plan. It’s okay if the plan changes, it’s okay if you find out your outline isn’t working and you have to re-outline, it’s fine if the story changes halfway through, but organize your thoughts. Figure out what you’re doing and then stay flexible. Don’t dive into NaNo and then hit a wall halfway through and fail your own challenge. Or end the month with an unhappy mess of strung together words that is too daunting to edit or do anything with. Give it some thought, give yourself a plan, give yourself a shot.

Or don’t. This is my way of doing things, like I said.

If you’re doing Camp NaNoWriMo, be sure to let me know! Tweet me, DM me on IG, or comment below. Let’s keep each other accountable. Tell me what you’re working on and what your goals are so we can check in at the end of the month.

And, as always, be excellent to yourselves and one another. You’re all kick ass. Never forget it.

Betas

This past Sunday, I met with my writing group and received their beta feedback in the form of almost three hours of discussion and pages upon pages of written notes.

Sorry. Scratch that.

Almost three hours of internal screaming and sweating while my eyes glazed over the written notes and I tried to write down everything that was being said in some way that would actually be useful to me in the future.

I still haven’t finished processing. Hopefully this blog post helps with some of that.

A couple quick updates: The untitled scifi story is progressing well. I’ve got more than 38k words in it so far and I’m planning on finishing the draft by the end of this month. I’m also working on a collaborative short story with a writer friend of mine. It’s an exercise and a chance at getting our name out there, but it’s weird and different. We’ll see how that goes. Finally, I’m continuing to amass rejections on my short story, Seeds, so I think I’m going to give it another once over before sending it out to the next publication.

Now. Betas.

This is the second time I’ve gone to my writing group and had a beta critique with them. For the same novel. It should have been easier. Right? That’s what I thought as I strolled through Los Feliz to the meet up location.

I was fucking wroooooong.

Let me be clear. I think the beta critique session went about as well as it could have. Everyone seemed to, despite all of their notes, like the novel. I know some compliments were thrown my way, but I gotta be honest, it was hard to hear them when gripped with that much overwhelming anxiety.

So, the format was such:

We sat in a circle and everyone got 2-3 minutes to talk about the novel. If any of the others present agreed with what was being said, they snapped their fingers. Other than a cursory “I agree with ___”, there was no repeating of what anyone had already been said.

That’s almost 30 straight minutes of people talking at you while you try and distill what they’re saying into comprehensible notes. After that, it was open discussion. Several times I was asked if I had any questions or if I wanted to direct the discussion and I had no response.

I was a wreck afterwards. I’m still feeling it. Luckily, I’ve given myself the rest of this month to not think about Rat. Even before the beta critique, I knew I wasn’t going to let myself get back to it until July. That’s when Camp NaNoWriMo is and that gives me time to finish the draft I’m currently working on, my untitled scifi novel. I should really come up with something to call it.

But it is SO difficult not to think about it. It just pops up in my head. On the treadmill. In bed. While working. While reading. That overwhelming sense of YOU HAVE SO MUCH WORK YOU SHOULD BE DOING.

And the voice is right. I do. I have probably around 50k words to write for Rat now. Plus editing.

I didn’t expect Rat to be perfect. I knew there were problems and I knew I needed guidance. I got what I wanted and what I needed.

But it’s still a gut punch. I’m still looking at a long, hard road before querying. Each time I think it’s just around the corner, the goal line is moved. That’s what it feels like. Like the work never ends.

That’s the life I’ve chosen, though. None of what I’ve just said should be taken as me giving up. There isn’t a question in my mind that I’m going to get back to Rat on July 1st and get going. What am I going to do, quit? Please.

Fifty thousand more words, approximately, and another round of edits. That’s what it’s looking like. My immediate future.

Now, apart from the eight writer friends I got a live beta critique from, I also sent Rat to about twenty non-writers. I think it’s very important to get diverse feedback, and that includes people who are just readers and those who aren’t readers at all (though be sure to adjust the feedback to the audience. If you picked someone who doesn’t read the genre you wrote in, their notes may be less helpful). I asked them to focus on specific questions I had for each chapter and then questions at the end of the novel. Things like, did you find anything confusing? What was your favorite part in this chapter? I actually adapted the questionnaire from Jenna Moreci’s awesome series on beta readers on her YouTube channel (channel HERE). If you would like me to share the questionnaire with you, drop me a line.

Now, perhaps you’re on the fence about whether or not you should find betas. Maybe you think you probably should, but don’t know where to find them or don’t know what to do. My experience probably isn’t the most encouraging thing to read, in either case.

Listen. I’m just bitching. Everyone, and I mean everyone, should have beta readers. Please, for the love of all that is unholy and necrotic, have beta readers. Do not write in a vacuum. You absolutely, positively need other eyes on your work. You’re too close to it. I promise you. Never mind the typos and grammar mistakes you’ve missed (they’re there, trust me), what is in your head isn’t what necessarily made it to the page. You need people to tell you what they experienced when they read your work and you need to be able to see how it’s different than what you were trying to write. You need their help. It is so painfully obvious when I read someone’s work who hasn’t had beta readers or a critique partner look at it. Just do it.

Don’t know where to find betas? That’s what social media is for. Twitter, Facebook, Instagram. Whatever. Make a post asking for volunteers, describe your work, and see the people come in. Try to get a varied group, but also remember who your target audience is. If you have questions, poke me on Twitter or Instagram. I will be happy to walk you through the process.

So, that’s where everything is with me. I’ve got a couple more weeks to get this untitled scifi novel draft finished, complete the June partner challenge, and get ready to dive back into editing.

Fucking editing.

That’s it from me for the moment. Take good care of yourselves, love yourselves, and keep working on checking off those goals. The road is hard, but it’s fucking worth it.

Big Daddy Scifi

Did you know George R. R. Martin wrote a space opera?

Science fiction has always been that intimidating cool kid who, no matter how nice they have been to me, I always fear and resent. Today, I’m going to try and talk about it, especially since I’m suddenly writing scifi.

Before that, though, a few updates!

The Genre Hustle - Season two is finished and it was awesome. Lots of great support, fantastic audience, and tons of fun. If you missed any of season two, you can find it in its bingeable playlist form HERE and if you haven’t listened to season one, you can do so HERE.

Rat - I am continuing to get beta feedback on my novel. I’m starting to feel cautiously optimistic because people seem to be enjoying it. There are issues, for sure, but I knew that going in and having them pointed out is the point of the whole exercise. I have to nudge a couple of betas to see if they’re going to read and give feedback, but the final round will come from my writing group on June 9th. Fingers crossed.

Other Works - I’ve been working in this cyberpunk noir world I’ve cooked up and I’m about 20k words into this… let’s call it a novella and hope it has the legs to make it all the way to novel. It’s first person (weird for me) and scifi (the real oddity) and after outlining a ton of different story lines, I’m writing out some exploratory stuff. So far it’s cohesive.

Which brings me to today’s topic. Science fiction.

Do you find that you read mostly one type of genre? That you write only one genre? That you stick to one audience, POV, and tense?

That was me. The only exploration I did outside of grimdark fantasy with a splash of horror (Rat) was in my short stories, which have leaned further into horror, added in some scifi, and let me play with POV and tense.

This cyberpunk dystopia piece I’m working on is completely different than that, and I’m feeling a little out of sorts. Especially in the face of my writer friends who actually write scifi and have read way more of it than me. Makes me feel pretentious when I say I’m writing scifi, all of a sudden. Like I haven’t earned my stripes. I also feel icky telling people I write speculative fiction, so I can encompass all the genres I write in a nonspecific, totally inoffensive way. What am I to do? Do I have to choose one and stick to it? Or do I get to explore what ever I want?

I certainly consume more scifi than fantasy, at least in terms of TV shows and movies. That could be because there just aren’t as many fantasy examples of those. Or good ones. Star Wars, Firefly, Battlestar Galactica, Alien… I could go on forever. The fantasy list is way shorter.

I find, however, the opposite has been true with books. It’s only recently that I’ve really started to dive into science fiction, exploring the works of John Scalzi, Alastair Reynolds, the Leviathan Wakes series. Sure, I’d read some scifi in the past, like Starship Troopers and Ender’s Game, but fantasy was always the one I gravitated towards. I blame my father reading Lord of the Rings to me when I was a child.

Now that I’m on a break from working on Rat, though, I started to dive into what my next piece was going to be, and I couldn’t resist all the inspiration coming at me from the scifi side of speculative fiction. Neon dystopias, electrowave, Cyberpunk 2077, dark synths, and stuff like Love Death + Robots on Netflix (which is amazing and you should watch it, by the way).

It made me wonder about the two sides of the coin that is scifi and fantasy. Magic vs. technology, and all that. I always envisioned fantasy as escapism and scifi as futurism (probably incorrectly). I even had a bit of a personal stigma about writing fantasy, thinking it was somehow less respected than science fiction. Writing about dragons and magic always seemed less serious than galaxy spanning space operas or robotics or dystopian futures based off our sociopolitical failings. I don’t think I’ve grown out of that notion, either.

I suppose part of my hesitation comes from my lack of having read in the genre. At least with fantasy, when I say I write it, I can spout off a bunch of works that I love and have inspired me. There’s something a lot less appealing about saying I remember liking the Halo novels.

So, here I am, writing science fiction, ashamed to admit it, and desperately trying to read more of it. When I’m finished with this piece, I’ll be curious to see what my scifi writing friends are going to say about it.

I feel like I’m walking through a minefield. Space mines. Laser mines? Plasma mines. Something.

What about you? Are you sticking to a single genre? What do you think about the difference between fantasy and scifi? Do you only get ideas in one? Do you feel like you can only write within one? Let me know.

And as always, keep yourself healthy, place importance into self care, and keep achieving those small goals.

Until next time.

P.S. In the battle between “sci-fi” and “scifi”, I’m going to go with Benjamin Dreyer and agree that hyphenated words are a thing of the past.

Mental Health - An Encore

You know, sometimes I get blog posts out with some regularity. Other times, I don’t. This is one of those “other” times, apparently. Not quite a month, but definitely on the longer side of things.

I’ve got a few updates to talk about before we dive into today’s topic: mental health.

First of all, I have started to get (some) feedback from my betas. Rat is in the hands of around 20 or so people of varying age, gender, background, and writing level. The nerves have calmed down a little, especially after receiving notes back from two of my betas, but they’re not gone completely. I feel like I’m in this weird limbo where I’m not working on my main project at all, but progress is being made on it. It’s very surreal, and that’s before I even get to the notes. I won’t talk about those in any specific way, but I’ll say I was both pleasantly surprised and enthusiastically thankful? I was worried about how I would take feedback, but I suppose getting critiqued most weekends for two and a half years does something.

Second, I went to the 2019 Nebula Award Conference after party last night, the so-called BarCon. I met up with some of my friends and fellow writers and did some schmoozing. My take away was I was wholly under-prepared. I was introduced to a few people who I should have known, I didn’t look up anyone’s names before hand, I didn’t look up who was being nominated, and I made very little effort to get to know other people while there. Next year I will get tickets to go to the actual conference and do better.

Thirdly, season two of The Genre Hustle is ending! Our season finale is this coming out this Monday and, as is true to form, we’re ending the season with another writing gripes episode. We talk about what frustrates us as readers and what frustrates us about our own writing. It was a fun episode to record, especially since all seven of the co-hosts were able to make it. Check it out when it comes out Monday!

But let’s talk about mental health again. If you missed my previous blog post on it, find it here. I was pretty open about what my experience has been with depression and anxiety, but now that almost a year has passed, I wanted to address it again, especially with it being Mental Health Awareness month.

I look back to where I was a year ago (and a year before that, and so on) and I can’t help but smile at the progress I’ve made. I remember what I was doing a year ago, where I was at financially, professionally, and where my health was. The kinds of decisions I would make. It was rough.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m no poster boy for mental health and success now. I’m not suddenly cured. Far from it.

But things did get better. Little steps, little changes, support, love, and friendship have all helped me make my way down a path towards a better self. I’m nowhere near the end of that journey, but I’m a hell of a lot further along it than I could have imagined a year ago when I wrote that blog entry.

I talked about exercise, diet, small goals, and socializing. Looking back, I can see how each of those has had an effect on me, especially socializing. Forcing myself to get out of the house, to interact with friends, to be social… that’s been the core of my improvement. Human interaction, connection with friends, change of environment, having fun. They have been huge for me. Taking walks in the park has been good for my health, obviously, but, again, it got me out of the apartment and into the sun. It gives me a chance to listen to audiobooks, too. I’ve cut out a lot of red meat from my diet, as well as some dairy. I did it for health reasons, but it’s something I had been thinking about for environmental reasons for a while, too. I haven’t had fast food or a cigarette in all of 2019, too. Just small changes that add up to something greater than the sum of their parts.

I still get slumps. I still find myself struggling, backsliding, and making terrible decisions. But the slumps are shorter. They’re not as deep. I’m not pouring myself into online video games to escape my life for 8+ hours a day. I’m able to get up and out of bed at a consistent time every morning. I still have anxiety nightmares, but I sleep through the night often now, where I was waking up 4-5 times a night before. When I’m feeling the slump now, I usually just eat worse and do less social stuff, but it’s been easy enough to start eating better again after a few days and I feel like I can’t hide away from the social stuff as well as I used to.

Even my anxiety is better. Like I said, I was at the Nebulas last night. I just realized I drove myself to Barcon alone, walked in, and spent almost 4 hours there without once worrying about what I looked like, what others were thinking of me, or breaking out into a cold sweat. I was completely comfortable and I didn’t even realize it until this very moment. Huh.

Now, I’m not trying to tell you that through hard work and determination you too can overcome your blah blah. No. Professional help is the way to go. Medication, if you can afford it and can find the right combination, therapy, etc. I’m just saying I’ve been so gods-damned lucky to be able to improve.

I’m going to keep trying to improve. You should, too. Reach out to me if you need to. Especially when it comes to mental health, I’m always available to talk. It’s going to be hard, but we can do this.